When I was younger, I was never fond of kids, in my head they were loud, noisy and what not . In other words I was the literal, living version of ‘Gru‘. You know who Gru is. Don’t you? People who have kids know him very well, but those who don’t have kids. I’d recommend referring to the movie ‘Despicable Me‘. To be honest, it sounds kind of crazy but I used to pretty much only like baby boys. So, I never really like girls…Yes. YES! I get it! despite being a girl myself, I instinctively thought I should have a son. Just to be clear I do not have a unhealthy obsession for boys, and I do NOT believe in the dowry system like most Indians. But that’s another day’s topic. My pure genuine cause for thinking of having a boy first was mainly that I only grew up with my mum, dad, and my lovely sis. So I never had brother, from that moment forward I have always had a fascination for having a son.

~Fast forward to today~

I have three beautiful, wonderful and amazing kids, 2 girls and 1 boy. Anyone who knows me from childhood would be completely in shock. But my husband on the other hand was always in love with kids, no matter if they’re their own or not. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I was 100% sure that I was having a BOY and then my ultrasound proved me wrong…My stupid soul was upset, but then, I finally gave birth to my beautiful daughter, the very moment I saw her, my life froze and for the first time I realized what the true meaning of love was. Love is that beautiful tiny human, and it never ever mattered what gender he or she was or is. I always knew love is giving but for the first time I’ve experienced that I could actually give so much, a pretty strange feeling for someone like me, but a very deep one. That very day my gender biased nature vanished into thin air and I’m sure God must have looked at me with a crooked smile.

Then as usual, life takes over. So I was super busy with life, my job, a kid and managing our household . With my mentality one kid was more than enough. Especially here in Australia I’m extra busy. Back in India my parents were there and unfortunately my mum was unwell. In my head I always used to think if I became busy with kids I would not able to take care of my mum if the time ever came. My wonderful sister was constantly taking care of our mum. Every night when I used to go to bed, I used to imagine that I could get a call the next morning with bad news. One fine morning I got the bad news. My mum was no more, I was devastated as I was very much emotionally attached to her. I felt an emptiness which words could never describe, I picked up phone to talk to my sister and something was triggered inside of me. For the first time in my entire life, I felt that we should have another baby. But before that, truly speaking, whenever I used to see a couple that had two kids, my brain used to ask me “why would those people ever want double trouble?” after speaking to my sister, I looked at my daughter and felt that if I die, she will not have any siblings to share her emotions with, she would not have anyone who can entirely feel the same as her. I looked at her and felt that she needed a sibling and by God’s grace I had my son, and felt like the void of losing mum had finally filled. Yes. Nobody can be anyones mum, literally nobody, but my hearts emptiness was filled with a toothless beautiful smile. But when my boy was one month, I lost my dad. And we all know only God could do that. With looking after 2 kids, I coped up with the loss, it gets better whether you want it or not. You need to be with your kids as they are totally dependent on you, the smaller the kid the better you cope.

Life is rolling, never quite settled. So, when we think life is done surprising us, we’re wrong, life is planned and God gives us the most smirky smile. Here comes my miracle child. One realization life gave me, is that no matter what you do, whether they’re some good things or not so good things. It’s supposed to happen, it will happen. Throughout my third pregnancy I suffered hell. Numerous day and night visits to the hospital. Many times doubting my own decisions, but hard times make you tougher. Counting days until the birth, with non stop prayers. The day came again, giving all of us a surprise almost a month before the estimated date. Thinking that my sickness will stop. My heart was beating faster, this is the first time that I was not with a private hospital, not with my own doctor, but by the end I saluted the public hospital system, one of the best ones. Operation was a breeze. My third C section was done. The funniest part was that once my baby was out, I did wanna see the baby, but my suffering reached zenith, my immediate reaction was “No,thanks”, then I heard the first cry. My life froze once again, and I forgot all my sufferings, my instincts were replaced with “I wanna see my baby”. I felt so blessed seeing that beautiful face….and that little bundle of joy was my beautiful tiny daughter.